Series: Totally Lucy: Book 2
By Kelly McKain
Wow, is it really January the 22nd already?!
Hi grrrls! Lucy Jessica Hartley is back! I haven’t written anything for a while because I’ve been hanging out so much with my BFF Jules and Tilda (BFF is short for Best Friends Forever, BTW) (BTW is English for By The Way, BTW). Anyway, all my time went *ka-poof*, and plus my old journal had run out of pages, and I didn’t want to start this new one till I had something totally fabulisimo to tell you. But I have to start it now because the most unbelievably amazing thing has happened. I was just lying on my bed eating some Wotsits and reading my new Hey Girls! mag that I get through the door on Saturdays, and I found this article about a competition to design an outrageous fantasy fashion outfit and win the chance to go to London Fashion week and meet top designer Stella Boyd.
Now, this is most unbelievably amazing because it is right up my street. I mean that as in the saying Up My Street, like as in being really, really perfect for me, not like up my actual street which is these little terraced houses where you can hear our neighbour Bert coughing and going “Ber-hur-hur-hur” through the wall. That’s what old men sound like when a Werther’s Original is getting stuck in their windpipe, BTW.
So anyway, this comp is perfect for me because my one ambition is to be a real, actual fashion designer (not many people know that, so shhhh!). Maybe I can win it and that will start me off on the road to fame and fortune (which is another saying and not an actual road either, how weird!). Then if you zoom 10 years forward into the future (where I am a famoso designer) you could pick up a magazine in the dentist or whatever and flip through, and you would find this:
Lucy Jessica Hartley’s rise to fame and fortune
How did this woman rise to the top of the fashion world?
Lucy Jessica Hartley hasn’t always enjoyed the jet-setting lifestyle and devoted love of her boyfriend, the famous and gorge actor known simply as Dog Boy. In fact, when she was 12, Lucy, her brother Alex (8) and her mother Sue (age withheld) were CRUELLY ABANDONED by Lucy’s father. But Lucy’s bravery and resilience in the face of this, like, bad thing made her stronger as a person, like in those girl-power-type songs?
Anyway, Lucy and her father get on well now as he is an international rock star, and she often designs the outfits for his music videos. When she is not creating one-off dresses for actresses like Julia Roberts (but whoever it is in 10 years’ time), Lucy enjoys hanging out with her BFF, Julietta Garcia Perez Benedicionatorio, the international cool girl and Dutch babe Tilda Van der Zwan, who is well known for her charity work with the homeless or something like that.
Lucy says of her success: “People think being a fashion designer is easy, but it’s not all about going to parties and eating those little pastry things you get with prawns in. It’s not even just about having fabulously big you-know-whats (although I do). There’s a lot of hard work as well, but it’s all worthwhile as I’ve fulfilled my life’s ambition.” At this point, Lucy looks at her watch and puts down her free cocktail – you know the kind with the cherries on sticks in and a little umbrella? “Oh, blimey, is that the time?” she says huskily. “Sorry, but I have to go ’cos I am off on a holiday to Barbados with my darling Dog Boy.” So, as Lucy heads for a sun-drenched beach, we wait in London with, erm, like, mega excitement for her next collection.
So that will be me in the future. Well, maybe not the big you-know-whats bit (that would take a holy miracle!) but the fashion designer bit and the Dog Boy bit. Oh, hang on, you must be thinking, what is that Dog Boy bit, actually? But that’s because I forgot to say about him.
I’ll write it in code just in case any boys are reading (unlikely, but…):
.hsurc terces ym si yoB goD
I’ve seen Dog Boy walking his dog in the little park at the end of my street (my actual street, I mean, not just the saying). But by a spooky coincidence he is actually also Up My Street as in the saying because he is trendy and looks gorge. I think he is the same age as me, but he doesn’t go to my school or I would have noticed. He must go to King Alfred’s because that is where all the gorge. boys go and only the reject ones are in my class at Tambridge High.
Just in case you didn’t read my first journal, where I said about the boys in my class, I should tell you that they are all from the Kingdom of Nerdonia (expect maybe Ben Jones and Bill Cripps and Jamie Cousins). The worst one is this boy, Simon Driscott, who I like to call the Prince of Pillockdom. He has these Geeky Minions who follow him about, and mainly they just go to computer club, but sometimes they hang round near me and go on about this EMBARRASSING INCIDENT that happened at the school disco in November.
Basically it was when Simon Driscott tried to snog me with tongues, and I shouted out about how the only person who I would be snogging with tongues would be JJ (who is called Juan-Jose Garcia Perez Benedicionatorio and who is Jules’s très lush elder brother) and EVERYONE heard. Thankfully I am cured of fancying JJ now though, because he is still going out with Suzanna with the big you-know-whats (I have being patiently waiting for my own ones to grow, but, to be honest, they are taking their time). What was I saying this for? Oh yeah, I call my *hsurc terces* Dog Boy ’cos I don’t know his name…YET. Ha-ha-haaaaaa! (evil-genius laugh)
I am doing that laugh because I have a top-secret plan to get to know Dog Boy. I want to talk to him and find out his name and that, but most of all I want him to be my boyfriend and kiss me so that I will have a proper first kiss and not just an EMBARRASSING INCIDENT that was more like having my face sucked off by a Dementor.
So here is:
The Pooch Plan – da da!!!!
1. Borrow a dog.
2. Put on a fab outfit and take the borrowed dog to the park.
3. Borrowed dog and me hang out near Dog Boy and do canine/human bonding stuff.
4. Then Dog Boy will think, “Oh, that girl is fabbly stylish and totally dog-loving like me and is also just revelling in the joy of being alive, like in those colour-enhancing shampoo ads. I know! I’ll ask her out and give her a kiss that is not like having her face sucked off by a Dementor!”
5. Mwah! (That’s a big un-Dementor-like kiss BTW.)
Et voila! From Pooch to Smooch in 5 easy steps.
So fingers crossed I can borrow Hombrito, Jules’s dog, because the Garcia Perez Benedicionatorio familia are off to España tomorrow to visit their rellies Christóbal and Carlita and about 49 cousins called rolly-tongue Spanish things I can’t remember. Jules is getting time off school for it too – sooooooooooo unfair!!
I am going to ask Tilda and Jules round to be my models for when I’m designing my Fantasy Fashion Competition outfit, and that’s when I’ll offer to look after Hombrito. Then I will get Dog Boy for my boyf and look like a great mate. Fab, huh? Gotta go and phone them – byeeeeee!
Currently unavailable on this website
A fun and funky series charting the hopes, dreams and schemes of the lively, loveable Lucy - wannabe fashion designer and Stand Up Babe. Girls everywhere will identify with her bra-size embarrassment, parent troubles, best-friend dilemmas and secret crush crises. Lucy enters a design competition to create an outrageous fantasy fashion outfit. But things just won’t go to plan, especially when her dad announces that he’s moving away...
“"Makes you laugh out loud"”
Kelly McKain worked as a copywriter in an advertising agency and as a primary school teacher before becoming a full time writer. She is now the author of over thirty books for children and teens, including several bestsellers.
Visit www.kellymckain.co.uk to find out more.
Read the following reviews or write one of your own.
I was in the mobile library that comes to our school every two weeks when I saw the word FASHION on top of the counter the reason I said fashion in capitals is because i looove fashion shopping clothes!!!! So I loved Lucy's book because Lucy has her own type of personality and also because she loves FASHION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!bye!!
Fantasy Fashion is a great book. The story is about a very nearly teenager called Lucy Jessica Hartley, her life ambition is to become a real fashion designer. So when her favourite magazine open up a fashion competition , Lucy jumps at the chance when she hears what the prize. Along the way, Lucy has lots of other problems, boys, parent problems, best friends, and some others. It is a great story plan, about a typical teenager, worrying about everything a normal teenager would.....
“Totally Lucy Series”
The books were cool and one-in-a million!The books were so great I wish that I wrote them! Well done, Kelly McKain,for entertaining so many girls for hours!!!
Joanna Rose Taylor
Fantasy fashion was a fantastic read! I absolutely loved it! Lucy enters a competition where you design an outfit and faces problems along the way! It was so great i couldn't put it down!! I was almost glued to the book !! For all the fashionistas out there this is for you!!
“Girls will go totally wild for Totally Lucy! ”
Damian Kelleher, Children's Publishing Consultant
“...a cool, quirky read. ”
Cathy Cassidy, author of Dizzy, Indigo Blue and Driftwood